Exit Lines

Something I wasn't sure I would see: Will's 4th birthday.
Something I wasn’t sure I would see: Will’s 4th birthday.

I can’t help but picture me on my death bed (ideally in my eighties) and how that bit of drama might go down.

The good news is, I figured out how to turn it into a revenue generator. Branding! I’m willing to sell the rights to my last words. If the price is right. I’ll look lovingly at my wife and son, smile, and say “I’m going to Disneyland!”

That will confuse Will, no doubt.  Maybe it will be something simpler, like: “Aflac!”

Or, if  Wrigleys is willing to spend big: “Get your skis shined up, grab a stick of Juicy Fruit, I am in so much pain, the taste is gonna move ya!

But just in case I get no corporate takers, I have some non-revenue-generators in my back pocket.

Here are my Top Ten ‘Last Words.’

10. “If I go into a coma, keep taping my shows.”

9. “I guess that really was asbestos in the attic.”

8. “Honey, remember to tip the nurse staff.”

7. “The floating white light isn’t so impressive since they switched to energy-efficient bulbs.”

6. “I think someone in this hospital is trying to kill me.”

5. “Sweetie, I’d like my ashes spread over your hottest friend.”

4. “What was the name of that sled I had when I was a kid? I miss it.”

3. “Do-over!”

2. “I am really, really going to miss half the people in this room.”

And the number one candidate for Final Words:

1. “Did the Governor call?”



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